Suicide is not selfish
By Jennifer Cobb, MSW, LCSW; NASW-NC Member, Guilford County Local Program Unit Chair
In the wake of the horrible news of Robin Williams death, and the knowledge that there were statistically around 85 other deaths by suicide on that same day (on average, a death by suicide in the United States occurs every 17 minutes {Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2010}), I felt compelled to write.
While the overall response has been warm and supportive, I can’t overlook the number of times that I’ve seen or heard someone say, “What a selfish thing to do” or “what a coward.” Every time I hear this, it takes my breath away. Selfish…dying at your own hands to end the personal torment that only you know…that’s selfish?
I agree, suicide is a very tragic experience for the survivors…I know both on a personal level and a professional level…but that’s not the point. In my experience, most people who are in the throes of their own personal torment and hell aren’t ABLE to think of other people. When someone is suffering so much, and can’t find a way out of the pain, they aren’t ABLE to consider the impact that this is going to have on their family, friends, and community. All they are able to see is a solution…a solution from the pain, misery, suffering that is so real to them. It’s not about you…the survivor! It’s not because they didn’t love you enough, it’s not because they didn’t care about you or your future. It was a personal solution for a personal battle that they could see no other way out of.
Now, I want to make perfectly clear that I am not an advocate of suicide. I believe there ARE other (very effective) options to stop the suffering. But how are we going to be able to help people access those other options, if as a culture, we are calling people who have suicidal thoughts and behaviors selfish and cowardly?
Since I’m talking about this subject, which often seems taboo, I’m going to make the most of it and provide some eye-opening statistics, specific to North Carolina (these statistics are coming from A Special Report Series by the State Center for Health Statistics, a division of North Carolina Department of Health and Human Services; www.schs.state.nc.us/SCHS/). The numbers are slightly dated, and statistics typically are, due to the amount of time to collect and organize the data. I assure you, though, through my professional experience alone, this trend continues currently.
- In the five years 1997 through 2001, 4,563 North Carolina residents died by suicide. During the same time period, 19,717 North Carolina residents were hospitalized for self-inflicted injuries (this does NOT count persons treated in emergency rooms or doctors’ offices who were not admitted to the hospital).
- According to the Youth Risk Behavior Survey, 20.8 percent of middle school students reported in 2001 that they had seriously thought about killing themselves, compared to 18.1 percent of high school students. In 1997, 11.3 percent of middle school students and 8.8 percent of high school students reported that they had tried to kill themselves.
- Among all the age groups, 25-44 year olds accounted for the highest number of suicides in North Carolina, but the highest suicide rate was found for persons age 65 and older. Suicide was the fourth leading cause of death in North Carolina for 5-14 year olds, and the third leading cause of death for 15-24 year olds for most years in the time period from 1997 through 2001.
Table 1: Rank of Suicide among the Leading Causes of Death in North arolina and the United States in 2000 by Age and Gender
| Rank of Suicide in the Leading Causes of Death | ||
| Age/Gender | NC | US |
| 5-14 years | 4 | 5 |
| 15-24 years | 3 | 3 |
| 25-44 years | 5 | 4 |
| 45-64 years | 9 | 8 |
| 65+ years | 19 | 18 |
Note: A higher rank represents a lower number of suicide deaths.
Source: State Center for Health Statistics, CDC/NCIPC
So, what do we do with this information. Really, I am just asking for compassion. Instead of blaming the person who is in so much pain…try to understand it may have been the only solution that they could see. They were not blatantly trying to hurt you, or trying to leave a grieving family…they were trying to stop hurting.
Also, as many have said about Robin Williams, realize that this is a disease that can infect anybody. Rich, poor, have’s, have not’s, male, female, young, old…anybody. So, when speaking about suicide, please remember that you don’t know if the person you are talking to has to deal with this decision on a regular basis, or the person sitting next to you. Instead of placing blame, speak with compassion and offer help.
Resources:
September 10, 2014: World Suicide Prevention Day
Sandhills Center 1-800-256-2452 (24/7 information, screening and referral line)
Cone Behavioral Health Assessment Unit 336-832-9700
Monarch (Formerly the Guilford Center) Referral line 336-676-6849
Therapeutic Alternatives 24/7 Crisis Intervention1-877-626-1772
National Suicide Help Line 1-800- SUICIDE (784-2433)1-800-273-TALK (8255)
En Espanol 1-800-SUICIDA (273-2432)
Triangle Suicide Prevention Resources
NASW-NC Social Work Blog 
Reblogged this on Stuck on Social Work and commented:
Great response to those who think suicide is a selfish act..
Excellent post. Thank you for helping to educate those who have their own selfish opinions on something of which they know very little.